half-dressed, unconscious on the floor

No one knows how long she was there

They took her to the hospital

So I think she is alive

but it is good enough

That is the restless thought of the day

Cherish it

you dear, stumble to bed and put your

knees into my back.

-

I lie there next to you

for an hour

-

then get up and stand outside on the balcony

-

I can’t sleep

-

I piss

-

I drink water

-

I lie on the couch

-

I piss again

-

Its morning.  Its time to get

daughter ready for school

-

For the past 30 something weeks all I have been

doing is lying on the  couch and feeling

dizzy.

-

This is pregnancy

-

This is why I’d rather the stork

bit were true

He said it like a man who had been

molded by someone else’s hammer.

-

It heated me and made me malleable

like burning kittens or drowning puppies.

-

It is hard to grow up, friend.

-

So what

if we die too young.

-

Lets make paper airplanes

with scraps of paper sent

by the bill collectors.

-

Lets ride a bike around the lake

with a little ginger ale in our bellies

and a plumped up grin

to meet the noise of the old people

doing the boring and necessary things

to keep their lines and moles in order

-

Lets walk on the beach and kick the waves.

Lets pick up rocks and suck on them.

Lets climb the mountains and jump off

giggling fear into the abyss

and I am not sure when

but while I am here

I am going to fuck

with you whenever we can

.

There are going to be bad days

-absurd happenings and stubbed toes

.

and I’ll accept it

-the universe and my ordinary

place in it

.

as long as you are here

to bring me licorice and root beer

and other dreamy stuff

like titty kisses and big warm hugs

.

and your extraordinary love

to learn to smile through

the pain because it too will end

and you will remain

-

To withhold your hand from scratching

while the scab it is still healing I guess

you have to have a scab or two

ripped off before you’ve healed

to learn the sting is not worth the satisfaction

-

And to marvel at your ability to heal

I guess you have to know broken

parts and open wounds and near death

experiences before you realize

how wonderful it is to be healed by you

-

but to be happy, why even a puppy

knows how to be happy on a warm

sunny afternoon with a full belly

and a friend to bum around with

-

Don’t you?

of a crowd but when you are alone and you accept

your ignorance or beauty or frailty

-

it is very hard not to  lie.

-

How long can you play dumb or cheat

smart or fake love or pretend poise

staring in the mirror?

-

I suppose, you’re not the only one

to have a wasted an afternoon or more

reflecting what delusion told you to

-

I have too

brain is not an accident of success

but a slow and painful process

of dividing or otherwise stated, sharing

Would you like a  piece of my pie?

to machines

There is a difference; one that

is so big it is obscene to compare life

to human made objects

Have you ever seen two refrigerators fucking?

.

Sit and wait as he might no clap of his

will cause you to step onto the stage

and sing  -”Luck be a lady tonight”

.

In his joy, he miss judged  you for a gentle son who’d

be open for coffee or talk and never leave  for good

How could you after all you’ve accomplished?

.

Does the thick fabric of the curtain hang onto some

of your DNA where you rubbed as you rushed by

to change your costume for the romantic scene?

.

Are there skin cells of yours on the make-up brush

that helped your eyes pop so the person in the back

could gage the twinge of your expression?

.

Is there a hair of yours on the jacket

that you wore when you went outside

to rehearse your lines and get fresh air?

.

Did you leave your voice in the creeks

and falls of the building, rhyming in

rhythm with carpet hairs and the very foundation?

.

Is there some magic left that a father may find

or did it leave when you killed yourself?