That’s Me. I Love You

I want you to do me favor, right now
Think of all the wondrous things going for you
At this exact moment.
A safe home, someone who loves you
For food and warming days
For branches that reach and bend in wind
For the robins singing and making nests
Anything that is good, think of it now
And smile, you are alive
That should be enough
For today
That should be enough
for all our days

I guess I have ran out of time to hide from you

(A poem for my country

A poem for my world)

When you smile and your eyes don’t
You’re not alone
You put on such a brave face
You stand so tall
You speak of them with such longing
You hope for mercy and pray for love

In the tangled mass of your mind
You hear words on your heart
You hear her call you again

The wolf at your back is your friend
Chasing you to the living end
My children,
The future, she calls
Begs you to run her to the morning sun

All at Once

All at once
When you ask
what do I need

there is no confusion
No second guessing
You know.
Food, shelter, medicine
Family to be safe
Country to be healed
That is it.

It was always true
But now, you know it
You know it, like you know
The smell of spring or the taste of winter
You know it, like you know the sky is blue
Or the way your grandma’s house smells
And you will always know it
From here on out

The Love of your life
Means love for my life
For the green things
that will soon sprout
For the Robin who sings
And geese coming north
For the homeless, the weak and the strong And even, those with mansions
You have learned
We are all connected
On this blue beautiful earth
you’ll never be able to forget
And that is a gift, if you can live
With it

Most of my writing is shit

Lately. It’s because

I’ve been self loathing

And it’s not good to write


Ok. I’m not depressed. I’m lonely

For people I never see. I’m lonely for the years before my mother was sick

When I had a friend in this world

Besides Henry

He never needs anyone

He has it all figured out

He drinks his vodka and passes out

Maybe in the morning we’ll make love

If he feels like it

If not I’ll make crepes and bacon

And he’ll be happy enough

To make it out of another week

Sometimes I write when I’m going through some shit

And it makes me feel better.

I dont know what I am supposed to say

Anymore. None of it makes me feel


Everyone is breaking. Everyone is trying to hide

Until summer is over

Until it’s all over

Burnt out

You fight and kill at each others’
freedoms and limbs cuz the anger
tricks you to whip and slave
To nazi and to Jew
To rock over the bus and light it
on fire, to dronestrike your hometown
before you can migrate out, dear you.

I have watched from inside the house
humming and singing as the pie bakes, the meat roasts, kissing fat babies and embracing our existence, living in a dream world full of coffee and poetry, painting and folding clothes, living a fantasy of soft fluffy puppies. beautiful cloths that drape around
my fat and happy body

You are so busy destroying yourselves that you don’t realize you are building a wall of dead bodies around yourself
You have imprisoned yourselves with the ashes of your families
Willingly you take your clothes off and fold them in a neat pile,
put your gold in the heap and sit
in the poisonous gas of your putrefaction
The great experiment has become how fast you can kill yourselves

Damn it -throw down the gun from her temple
The lady was given to you on the day you were born

And now you can’t wait to grab her by the pussy,
lock her to the pillars of your bed
rape her and then burn her down

And well, her blood is coming from her whatever
It is all over you
Sticky and hot
you can’t move in the vicious thick stink

Ive seen the plains flooded in nightmare

Dropping bombs on the prairie and flash the shore
Each night I vision of your war

You kill for coin lust
in the morning
I cradle your babies, dead
And rotten, I sing lullabies to your young covered in blood,
sand slips and slides, so do you child
climb into the camel’s eye and hide
sand slips and slides to the other side

The shadows come and whisper in my ear and show me the horrors you commit in the name of thirst and hunger

They give me the spoon and force
me to stir the generations of broken bodies so I can read the signs until now now I’ve learned to stoically love the peace in war

The swing up and the fall down
The faster it be done I cry as the warning call.
I scream until I’m hoarse slinging my spoon faster and stronger, to see your future doom human

The outsiders looking down have come to eat
Limb by foot and finger, ass and cunt they eat

You pray out but god has abandoned
you with a bet with the devil
god has bet against you
He has grown tired of your use
Dived into the mouth of giant black
worm in the center of your universe
he has been torn apart and now is creating existence elsewhere by reusining yours for parts
He has cursed you to kill yourself
He has given you to evil
He has force my mouth to tell you
Enslaved my hand to hold the mirror to your undoing
He has given me the evil eye
and made me swallow it to
burn me out to see, your doom

by your own hand you die and live
by your own heart you will be loved
by your own hate you will hearth
by your own frost you will have lost

The snake shadows are fucking you.
And soon dear, they’ll fuck you dead.
I am the sibyl you do not kill; I’m already beheaded.
I am the dove on the wind of the wilderness
Suffocated with honey and locust
Heed my dead song – only you can save yourself
Only you can love the shadows
out and manifest your light in the darkness

The Hardest thing

The hardest thing
is to live with love and kindness
in a cruebullshitworld
I am an atheist so I believe in kindness
And love not because of what is to come
But what is. I am is
Every day I am reminded of my frailty
And temporary status by the pain
That burns my heart and body

I am doing all
I can to stay kind
Anger and pain trick me
somedays I want to die too
The abyss, the last breath
Seems both terrifying and reassuring
At least I don’t have to worry
About forever
My body, fat and aging and full of pain
Is all I have. It has mostly bad sides
If I am touched it hurts
If I wake up it hurts
If I walk it hurts
I have lost all hope of not being in hurts
I have accepted it
It has made me free
I dress how I like. I laugh how I want.
I live how I like
And say what I want

If I feel like it, I say fuck you dog shit liar
And if I feel like it, I say, I love you dog shit liar
I know what is mine
my time, my love, my life

I don’t know if you own yours
If you are still trying to become some other time
I could tell you, don’t waste yours
Feeling less than -It’s your brain sucking you
But it’s your choice and sometimes necessary
you are dog shit, after all
You are a dumb dumb. You’ve proved it.
Who isn’t? Who hasn’t ?
Don’t worry if you hate yourself
You probably have good reason
Most of us do
Just accept your a fuckturd
And go from there
The important thing you must
Consider is what kind of you, you’re in
if your going to wear stonewalled brutal you
Or are you going to allow love
space inside your body?
It hurts you, at first, just so you know
And you will have panic attacks
And you will lash out at those around you
You may attempt to take your life
Or run away to another town
And maybe you will
And maybe you’ll find a better job or lover
Or view and a minute
You’ll be able to breathe in your body
And feel the earth between your toes
Just maybe the fear will lessen long
Enough for some love to get in
Some kindness to shuffle to the front
Or a smile widen across your body
And in that moment breathe
Just breathe you in
This is you
Then, look out and see us
The forests and dogs
The 13 lined squirrels and corn flowers
The creeping Charlie and the crows
We are hard and uneven, like you
Breathing here too
Learning to love here too
Sometimes failing here too

Please be gentle with
Your existence.

Press it lightly on
With us
And witness the spec of time we are

The lake Superior

Is cold. You shouldn’t go near.

Don’t even put a toe in her

You like it hot. Stay on the sand

Or better – get in your car

And drive south. Drive to

Orlando, fl. Maybe take a boat

to Naples. Shit, you’ll love it there.

so warm, like a bathtub.

If you put your body in the Lake

Superior, you’ll panic. The cold will

Make you numb. It’ll kill you

Get out of it while you can

Get out of the u.p.

Get the fuck out of my home

Before you

Start to love cool weather

And comb a lover on the beach

In November, with barefeet,

fall in bliss and stay forever

Put your hand out

I’ve given up before

I’ve lost it all

I died and came back again

I’ve been cleansed by pain

Got fat and lame

Been beat till I learned to win

I was never real. I wasn’t really here

I was always in heaven and hell

Here is my hand

Can you feel its warmth and deformity

My strength and my gentle touch

The burns and grease

I’ve fucked up before

I found my

love again by breathing in and out slowly

I learned to control my breath before I learned to control mind

I learned to control my mind by learning to ride a wave.

When you’ve been so drunk you go to singoecularity it’s hard

To forget that a smile is all we ever have that is ours or free

Lost child (work in progress)

Childhood in dreams

is a home of love’s abundance

Pinata full and burst

Fresh tortillas and chicken hot leftover

Chewy pink candies under bubbling

Grins and dancing feet

We knew no childhood

You and I

We were little once

We were weak and human together

I remember you. I saw you. I loved you

Bastard orphan twins with blonde

Hair and blue eyes

Wearing each one sandal

Hand in hand, naked starved

Smiling and speaking, Spanish

For each other’s hope, for my hope

Each time I hoped for god or love

I hoped for your smiles

dead children or living children

I have carried you for a life time

Meek and powerless children

I’ve sacrificed soul in exchange

For mercy, for you

The least of us

To know home

To know freedom

To know justice

To know love

But no one answers

No one takes the trade

No one looks up

I try to grab them and shake them

Slap them awake but my hands go through them like shadow wind

My voice doesn’t reach help

or power’s mule ears

God has died with you, childhood

Inside me, his corpse festers and wets

into yours. I am the burial ground

of hope or love. I am sand or dirt


I see their little laughy smiles

Their dark eyes and dark skin

Shiny and beautiful black hair

They come to me in the soup line

They ask for hugs or food or aqua

They beg for a mother

They cry for a Padre

They call me auntie

they call me Crackhead’s daughter

They call me missionary’s bastard

They call for me

They call for me

They call for me

Anita, Anita, they cry

But I can’t find them

I look in government’s buildings

But they are barred and guards

Stand with guns and badges. The windows boarded and doors locked

I pound on the door

I pound on the door

No one comes to answer

I pound the invisible line

I call out matching numbers

I search the scrub and desert

With water and GPS

I find little bits of white bone, rifle cartridges and lizard men who

Have no heaven or shame

In forgien made pickup trucks

Protecting sand forgetting

Self or right or familia

They are running

They are running

Until they are all run down

they come to me in my nightmares

They call me war machine

They call me fat white pig

The call me Jesus’ fast

They call me Maria’s burden

But I cannot not find them

in light of day

In the darkness of night

thick smoke hides

Are those the flickering eyes

Or fire flies

In the tent cities

In the dirt streets

In the slaver’s workhouse

In prison cell

I search but no one seems

To see or hear or touch or know

Lost child

Lost childhood

I am searching

I am calling out

Mr., sir, lady of the scale

Give back the empathy

Give back the humanity

Please, lady liberty

Da los bebes


Sometimes I wish

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my

Younger self and yell at her, “Don’t hold back”

Rip onto those son of bitches who try to intimidate and stomp your dreams. Bitch smack the mother fuckers who wants to make you feel small or stupid because they want your vagina on their dick and make you think that they are smart and better Beat the shit out of the ass fuck disrepectful Toejams that use your intelligence as their own.

Be confident in your place. In your body. In your mind. Be real and fierce
I’d tell her, you are too good for this world so rebuild a new world, mother, creator of armies and civilizations

Don’t hide your sword in your panties

Take it out and hold it high above your head

But she wouldn’t listen
She’d call me fat and walk on to the next party, flops flipping and laughter on her lips

My Husband is time

My husband is a not real
He is my fantasy.
I made this world
In a sweet slumber
after drinking the last
of summer’s rations
Where I am loved so well
And kissed so tenderly
With the scent of cardamom and orange
his touch of warmth and electricity
He is a God with a magic penis
That can stop time and suspend gravity

Some strange luck loops
Has stopped war and given

me this dream life and his to share

I am day dreaming girl
sleeping in a dirt tent

if you find me
do not wake me

there are dark shadows
in my world.
I am fighting in a war
on the wrong side of a line

With a broken foot and a belly wound

I don’t make it out of here alive
this dream is all I’ll know of time or love

Drop dirt or petals if you must


We could not teach you love.

We tried but you broke us

We could not make our value stick

You had no way, Dead Boy
What hell or fucked fit frothed you mind

To such shame and depravity?

Let me give a little advice for anyone who’s mind fucks them to kill innocent people. Don’t listen. I’m glad I could cure that up for you.

Trust me.
It’s easier not to do
something than doing it.

None of your people think you, Dead Boys, are awesome. The people think the worst of you
You always go after innocence, beautiful little childern with big smiles, stunning women with long legs and good hard working fathers wearing blue jeans. It’s never some wacko sick son of bitch that deserves it

It has no honor. Only agony and disgust deep down thick puking repulsion so hard the people are hopeful for hell and to be there to see you in it

Years in other

I didn’t realize how sexist I was

Until recently

I thought I was radical. And maybe I was

After all I wore a blazer and read Virginia Wolf and smoked hand rolled cigarettes

While speaking metered stoicism

Hunched in hallways where I leaned in

Whispering self agency

While all along believing

Male meant strength.

And only some women were strong

It was nature I said

I didn’t believe
all women are strong
as Fuck

An Eagle

Stopped by and rested on the great silver maple in the backyard.

Next to it was a dead bird.

It came to see the pups chase rabbits. Life is war for the rabbits but for the eagle

It’s a sky dance and meat snacks

“You’ll have to let a dream die to achieve another,” says the eagle. I nod.

The crows are mad. They cry and swoop about. But the Eagle doesn’t care. The pups are too stupid to look up.

I stand with a pitch fork, guarding the pups

The eagle swoops up and goes to the neighbors massive pine

To eat the heart of the dead bird

To eat the heart of a dead dream

Someday I


What day is it?
I’ve been trapped 
on this plant forever. 
The sun rises and sets. 
I am still here. 
I could jump. 
I don’t know if I will survive. 
There is blue water
and the shore is not too far off. 
I’m pretty sure I could swim it. 
If I didn’t get hurt too bad on the fall. 
It’s a long fall to you 
And I don’t know if you will 
let me stay when I get to you. 
You might lock me out. 
I have food. I have shelter. 
I could make a parachute. 
But I’d have to cut down this plant though, 
the thing that sustains me. 
Here I have a nice little nest made of leaves. 
I have blankets of braided orchids 
and the fruit from the plant to eat. 
The seeds have proteins and fats. 
The fireflies come and dance in the evening. 
It is peaceful. It is beautiful. The sea calls though. 
The shore is long and behind it is a forest. 
Thick trees trunks wider than my reach.
Wider than ten of me. 
There is a world that I do not know

that you are in. 
I see the smoke from your fire
and flick of light in the dying day 
I dream someday our lands will meet 
Someday I may warm myself by your side


Raining Ice Again

You have been in your head too much
this doesn’t work for you
You are a doer. You must stay busy and engaged
Right now, you are not. You are tired and in pain
Your mouth is dry, your skin is dry. It is cold outside
…You’re an idiot.
I’m bored of this already
This needs to be erased
I need to go for a walk

Off a cliff. dive into a dream of cold water
I want summer in Lake Superior
I want her freedom
Her sweet clean air

It is winter. White and dirty and grey
I slept like shit again last night.
My neck hurts. Blah
That is what I feel like
Blah blah blah
I am wasting my living
Far away
I am giving it all, for what I can’t grass anymore

Da Vinci

The greatest painter to ever paint
Made sure to fuzzy the line
Where one ended and another began
That is what I am trying with your love
And poetry

This is not the poem I want to write
The poem I want to write is about taking
care of one another
But that poem is boring and nice
It is too polite for us

What the hell are we doing?
Why are we not fucking?
Must I beg for your cock in my mouth?

You are doing dishes and Im pretty 
sure you have fever too
Both of the girls do. 
I can barely stand. We are dizzy
And puking and coughing and shitting 
But you are doing the dishes
You come and check on us
bring water from the other side
of the universe and those cool magic pills. 
Yesterday I went to store 
and got a bunch of groceries. 
you were sleeping and had a fever. 
Then I cleaned. 
Brought you some pills 
And helped the girls. 
We take care of each other. 
When people complain about being married
I want to say, have you tried sucking his dick? 
Maybe if you give it all 
maybe the someone else 
will give it all back to you

Wash your face

Somethings don’t have to be said

I know that all humans are not bad

But I have a hard time fingerings out the good ones

I don’t trust my ability fully. 

 There is always something I can miss

This uncertainty is my armor 

I try to keep one foot on the ground

And one hand on my pistol 

I not going to put up with bullshit

Its nothing personal, you understand?

It just, you see, I don’t know

how long I have to live

It may end soon or something

so I don’t want to waste any time

on bullshit -You get it

You’ve wasted time on bullshit

I see it on your face

On Christmas past

The Christmas lights on my tree

            twinkle, unnecessarily. 

Its all I have kept of tradition

You never put me right

Maybe you tried  

Maybe you loved me

But that’s not enough

Your love can’t cover up your abuse
I’m not a little child. But I’m still vulnerable 

I admit it.  I’m at accepting 

I can’t live for you
I’m not sorry.  

You wanted me to carry you

Like a pointless backpack of rocks

like a bucket of shit  

sloshing on top of my head

I was your surefooted mule

I took pride in how much I could carry

For you

I’ve put it down 

The bible, the apologizing, the pride,  shame,

And now – the fear and bucket of hate.

I’ve given up being the ass
Its no longer my surprise

I’m not passing it on or boxing it up

Or hiding it in the basement

Wrapped tight for later
You fucked up




you carry it



As A Child I Did Childhood Things 

As a child

I did childhood things

I packed a small bag of clothes

A journal, my one-eyed doll

and fled from war

The fireworks popped houses off the streets

Shattered and exploded

I hide among the debris

When I was raped and beaten

I was the cold mud and the roots

beneath my body, rustic roads

The maggots of the dead were my citizens

The worms, the trains

My blood, the smoke from the chimneys

In the darkness of the ghetto street

I was a ninja in a forgein land

guarded by red branches hiding

as the gun shots ran on window glass

I snuck across the ground under abandoned cars

hid behind old burnt out homes

Flipped over piss stained mattress

A child with missing sneakers

had penny candy by his side

with a bullet in his brain

So I took his candy and savored the sweetness

as I hid in a mulberry tree until the hungry blue

zombies came and went

When my belly was swollen and empty and my back

bare I was a monkey girl and searched

for apples and pears and blackberries and goose berries

I scavenged wild morel mushrooms and dandelions and greens

I sucked up tiny green sour grapes

I climbed and swung

when I found a fruit I’d eat

the core and worms and all

If I fell and got bloodied, I hid it

It was a curse. I didn’t limp

When I found nothing to eat

And a warm AK 47 in my hands

I was a great hero

when I killed the hawk men

and freed my homeland

The people would throw me a feast of roasted

venison and turkey and pies and cakes

With juices and butter and sweet red wines

with songs and dances with large walls and warm fires

I’d have a dry warm safe bed one day,

I would have people, I dreamed as I aimed into battle

felt the sting and pound of the ground

And my fallen brothers coming at me

In the winter snow with frozen toes inside plastic bags

I was the first to explore so far north

I followed the smell of bear and stole into old ice caves

I made a house under the great pines

broke the ice and fished with my hair and beer can

I followed the river and stole north

I stole bitter acorns from squirrels

when I found a dead thing it did not go to waste

Covered in scraps of lost artifacts

I was the last of my exploration party

My one armed doll chewed and rotten

my journal wet and dirty showed the map of my trail

well beyond where dragons or fairies ever go

I pushed on until the trail softened underfoot,

There I stepped into sinking brown mud

grasping for the first of wild leeks,

with rocks in my in mouth

I was beaten with bondage

I was warrior captured

forced to labor for the enemy

I would not shame self by crying out

When the demon goats shoved me in a bag

And throw me in the back of a pickup truck

I did not panic like the screaming

children under me

I found the seam and breathed slow

I did not cry for help

I saved my energy for the chance to run

when I had it, I ran in the shadows

barefoot with only the rope

that bound my hands behind my back

I ran til the city was new

and my legs strong enough

to kill and the rope a bracelet of freedom

I stole food and shoes and diamonds and life

I was a master spy behind enemy lines

I stole until I had enough to find home

In middle of a concrete street

I gave birth to a blue dead jar

it was a tiny fluffy head SOS sent out to sea

riding the waves and currents to bring back aid

It’s dark eyes searching for an island of refuge

a man of honor

When it came again and lived I hid it

and gave it all I could

I gave pieces of myself for coins

to buy it blanket and food

I gave everything

still, I sent it out to sea

Four times I sent an SOS

Until my blood found the riptides and the sea turtles

met the mermaid queen on the corral of the sea

When the sickness came

I could not walk, my knees swelled

my body ached and my scalp was a drum

for the great wolf chief to beat with his tail

I was poisoned by the evil hound

who wanted me for his bone

Under his jagged teeth

I pounded my fists into his mouth

I splintered and my marrow filled his belly

Covered in dirt, wearing lice

I walked hand and hand with my sister

With one mismatched sandal each and bone thin

I was blessed and happy

When the nights were cold I was her blanket

And She, my pillow

We ate avocados and little fish

when luck and pennies were on our side

We were best friends, ladies on a stroll

In the darkness I heard her scream

I tried to hold onto her

Her finger nails dug into my body

Tore my flesh

her hair was in my clenched fists

Her blood under my nails

the dark shadow lizard

Dragged her away screaming

and left me alone in our rock pile home

I was in the shadow of a great temple

writing my name with my wand

To bless the yellow dirt
when a blast went hard and heavy

I could not hear but the ringing of ice cream truck

At the park where children yelled and played

I could taste the metal in mouth

concrete and salt in my flesh

I was buried under the rubble

the stick still in my hand I was a wizard

becoming all powerful but first I had to fall

through the black hole to other side

and find the evil wizard

who had blasted my temple

let blood magic into the world

I had no hair, on a sheet

I laid hooked up to robots

my body shook with cold sweat ache

The vomit came out my mouth

shit and piss was cold and sore on my body

My eyes could not focus

Blurry and heavy all around me was tiny grey

hands holding me down

I could smell their copper and plastic spaceships

The aliens were inside me

trying to harvest my body

I had to fight so I made a clone of myself

climbed in my nose and slayed the creatures

until I could no longer

badly wounded I found my heart

kicked it when slowed

I kicked until my legs fell off

then I punched until my arms rotted off

Then I head butted and finally bit

Until their beeps and buzzing stopped

I could not feel myself

I was no longer a child

One day soon

I’ll call and you won’t answer

Because you’re dead

Not a shocking dead but a just about time 

From another bad fall dead

You’re lucky to make it this far


It will be me someday too 

but that is irrelevant 

It’s you that matters 

as the phone rings 

And you don’t pick up
  Please pick up


Shit. That’s what it is.

I’m not falling for it.

You go swallow hatred

War. Fights. Fires. Torches

Go into the pit assholes.

Battle the flesh off of bone

Break your fists into brains

You dumb fucks. That fun for you?

That will please you, cunt?

Then take the shovel and start digging.

Go on, kill yourselves hateboys in the pit
The rest of us, despite our differences are going

To keep living together in peace.

Join us or not

Ha -as if

I would need

Sleep or friendship or touch or prosperity 

I need nothing but two pieces of gravel

But you -you are a needy little bitch

And you need to be hooked up to an oxygen tank

I feel you choke at night like a drowning puppy bucket log

You never learn.  I told you and told you

But you refuse to get checked out or change 

You are not a ditch weed. 

You need clean air and fresh water.

 You can’t live off exhaust fumes and oil spills and dead possum.  You are going to die.

  Wake up

  Wake the fuck up

I had a dream

Last night that you read my poems

And told me you forgot how good I was

It broke my heart and made me happy at the same time. In the dream I smiled and looked down. Henry told me that once too, not so long ago

I told him to go fuck himself 

Ok, I didn’t.  I nodded at him and said thank you
Blah blah ego. Blah.  But it would be nice if

It wasn’t so easy to forget myself

I don’t want to put you or Henry or the dogs first anymore.  I know I will – Damn tricky beasts of burdens

I’ll lose myself in the cello and play dough and drawing of evil cats and big smiles and stubborn mouths and piles of dirty clothes and demands for food stuffs and toys and damn stuff dropped all over the floor And I’ll  become the repetitive motions, human dredge. 
Sometimes though, you all disappear and I have a line or feeling that asks for purpose and I find myself again like now. Now I’ll make the fucking soup

Things That The Gods Don’t Want


I notice things that the Gods don’t

want me to and for that I am embarrassed. 

You have a wrinkle under your

eye that reaches inside to your brain

and coils down your nervous system

to your cherry painted toenails.


You are sensitive and walk with a pain

as old as hands and bent as an aborted fetus.

Breathe my lavender kiss, my lupine nectar

The monarchs in your eyes are sunbathing

Your wrist are budding peonies blossoms

but that damn wrinkle tells of heartache and death.

Stand still and I’ll cut it off, my little sister.  

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And On

I’m trying real hard but I can’t find any warm cocks or juicy pussies or even busted lips or bloody blisters
In the books
That you gave me
Not even a dried lily or a dead bug
Just paper with words
And more words
I like words a lot -I do- I live in them
But sometimes I need more than words
Sometimes I’d like my hand held
or some jasmine green tea in a big cup
I guess
What I am saying is I miss dancing with you
Dancing alone isn’t all bad in a pinch
But I always pretend you are dancing with me
And that is pathetic
Dancing in sync with you is ancient earth magic
We are mirrors, cracked and smudged on cheap beer and old patterns, strange magnets
spinning each other on

I Don’t Have The Right Words. If You’re Hurting, Get Help

You’re were a broken piece of shit.
Terrorized by those who were supposed to love you
The pain was in your bones and muscles and mind
You could not find love
You were feral
You went to booze and cigarettes and drugs
They always wore off. The orgie never stuck
There was always another morning
To fuck out and numb on forever

It could have been anyone
It could have been all of us
We wanted to teach you how to love
Your life but when our paths last crossed
We had not yet learned it well enough to teach

You weren’t the grass that grows
on the lava rock.
Nor The tree that towers on edge of the cliff.
You weren’t the dandelion on yeppy suburbanite’s green
You didn’t survive. You couldn’t hack it.
You couldn’t love the pain
so you couldn’t love your life
And you couldn’t love us
And we couldn’t love you
And now it doesn’t matter, dinosaur
You dumb ass star dust, you rotting corpse
You fucking human, you damned animal
Now you don’t matter

Alpha what


I don’t get it.  If I had that much wealth, I’d travel and eat and sail and fuck and sing and laugh and hug and have a big party with all my friends and family which would be everybody because I’d be rich and I’d let the food and ale and wine trickle down and everyone would get their mess

I wouldn’t waste time governing or hoarding or waring
I’d pay someone else to do it

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Nostalgia for War and Peace



I get it.  It was a simpler time

A sweeter time for rivers and old trucks

and tongue flicks

Or it was the music

Or maybe we are magnets

and memory aligns us back

to the crystal structure we were before

I’m not sure.  It doesn’t make sense to me

I’m aware of my ignorance.   I don’t need

everything to fit into hard little rows

It doesn’t have to be simple or straight for me

to swallow it whole and let it keep my stomach warm and new

I love winter. There I said it.  I love the cold, the snow

The bundling up with sweaters and blankets

I love hot beverages and rums and scotches

I love cedar in the swamp toppled with clean white snow

And hot steam from my mouth when I breathe out

In steam visions, touching your cheek

As my feet make a trail along a…

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Here lies the body


Here lies the body of a well-loved

human -under this pile of stones

a power decayed

Even though, in his generation

his people loved and praised him

now he is a sonnet; a sealed container of dust

We stand, his future, new generations

sprouted from the past and remember his

name and the territory of  his revolution

but none of us can smell his morning breath

or feel the warmth of his penis in their mouth

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A Poem For Theo at Dead River


theo talks about city land
i fade in and out the conversation

i’m thinking poetry
slight, dirty hand
touch wet
waft. tare.
he says it sucks, and
people hate poetry

they like pornos better
i say
he laughs, and asks if i know
i tell him yeah, soft and shaken

its written for poets
it doesn’t appeal to the
common person
jinx i think

i drink some more coffee

its lost to the professors
and the not haves
i say.

theo can recite w.c.w
but he doesn’t know
jack shit about poetry

he thinks it should rhyme
have even meter.

that was fun he said

he doesn’t think words
sounds, pictures,
hues, lovers
he doesn’t hear language breathe
nor taste the salt of
the inadequate symbols
expressed in hopes to
preach the gospel
to the lost disciples
trying support the revolution

tryin to support the evolution

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The deathmares


Stopped about a month ago

I waited until now to make sure or not to jinx it

They were bad.  Everyone died. Night after night
They were locked and stiff
Grotesque with strange smiles and wide eyes, in fancy silks and cheap jewelry, shoeless with crosses wrapped around their hands
They were waterfalls.
They were moon illusions. 
They were sun spots.
And I’d find them
in their beds and in the their backyard. I’d see their feet poking out of the lilac bushes and hanging from clothes lines
their hair grew and wrapped and knotted around my legs

Each time I leaned in, searching with fuzzy Dream eyes, trying  to understand what I saw, then I’d  realize in new shock it was my dead family. I was a minute too late .  i dropped them  and ran.  But  they stuck to me. They came out of the furniture,  or the…

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Nostalgia for War and Peace

I get it. It was a simpler time

A sweeter time for rivers and old trucks

and tongue flicks

Or it was the music

Or maybe we are magnets

and memory aligns us back

to the crystal structure we were before

I’m not sure. It doesn’t make sense to me

I’m aware of my ignorance. I don’t need

everything to fit into hard little rows

It doesn’t have to be simple or straight for me

to swallow it whole and let it keep my stomach warm and new

I love winter. There I said it. I love the cold, the snow

The bundling up with sweaters and blankets

I love hot beverages and rums and scotches

I love cedar in the swamp toppled with clean white snow

And hot steam from my mouth when I breathe out

In steam visions, touching your cheek

As my feet make a trail along a doe’s path

Over the creek into the meadow under the apple tree

Pausing to breathe and breathe, happy and sad

I like feeling the relief when I step into a warm home, when I stomp my feet and take off my boots and scarf and hat and coat, the hot fluster on my cheeks. And then smelling the wood burning fire, the chimney puffing up

like my heart for you and our world

I love you. I can’t help it. It’s the music. The step. The waves. The past or the future

It doesn’t matter. But its here. It hangs on.

It doesn’t leave. It isn’t sick or destructive

not disparate or selfish. It doesn’t hurt.

Its not a spring flower, nor a brown crumpled leaf.

It’s a rustic road that runs up north along lake Michigan and never seems to end

That leads to lake superior and cools all the fear out.

You can’t own or fight it. There is no need. It’s here, in my poetry

These silent odes, from an old fat human woman

who is learning to walk soft and dream expansive peace

I don’t want to go to war. But the war is here too.

So now I dream we are holding hands, like little laughing children

Who have not learned to hate or mistrust.

I am transforming myself.

I am focusing my intentions on life. I am forever restarting with me.

I am learning to live free of ego and hate.

I am eating the fear and panic one breath at a time.

It will take times. There is times for you to learn too.

Put your ear on my heart, I am alive with you. What more could we ask for?


Sounds of leaves in Madison

Here, November means fall
And fall is when the leaves change from green yellow pink orange red burgendy brown. And November is when the leaves are mostly burgendy brown with a few yellow holding onto summer.

They all eventually give up and fall to the ground. The wind blows them down the street,  which is made of pavement here and the sound of leaves scraping and crunching against it, is the great harbinger of rain and ice and snow and bitter winds and gray skies and negative temperatures. Now it is warm and the sun shines but the sky is a pale blue and the leaves are brown and most are down

This year everything seems important.  The way the burgendy brown leaf falls on my open journal as I write or the noise the door makes when eldest daughter opens it,  home from high school or the warm soft fur of my little dog. The sweet soft voice of my littlest daughter squeaky  singing songs of her imagination or the beep I get when husband texts he is coming home. It is all very important and clear and center of my focus, my awareness, my life

I can’t hold it or collect it or slow it
But I know it and how it feels as it fleets across me, scaring and healing me, breaking and building me -this time fabric, this god to mewpid-20151002_182825.jpg

Watching you

I’ve learned to fight
I promise you now whatever
Life throws up at me
I am going to fight it
Because I know I am strong
I learned that from you
So when this ends bad
I won’t give up -I’ll push on
Even when it is hopeless
Even when the world swells open
Even when the sky loses blue
Even when I am alone
Even when fear bites my spine

I will fight.  I will give my life for this
So the daughters  that follow will learn what I’ve learned from you and they’ll too, be capable of adapting to any war

And thrive in it, mother like you taught me to dowpid-20150905_105656.jpg

I don’t want to die

Doing what I love.

There are a lot of things I love including writing, cooking, bodyboarding, reading, playing video games, playing ball with kids, dancing,  painting, making sex with Henry,  flying and taking a walk to name a few and if I die doing any of them it’s not beautiful.  It is horrible.

It is always ugly to die, dip shitwpid-20150718_144730.jpg